Sunday, December 30, 2012

Six Sentence Sunday #25!

Well, hello, dears! I felt very Mrs. Doubtfire the way I said that. Are you all ready to sink the sub? Hide the weasel? Park the porpoise? A bit of the old Humpty Dumpty, Little Jack Horny, the Horizontal Mambo, hmm? The Bone Dancer, Rumpleforeskin, Baloney Bop, a bit of the old Cunning Linguistics? And I'll stop now. :D Today's excerpt is from a little story that's releasing in a couple weeks. It's called Cheapskates in Love, and I now have a blurb AND a cover to share with you!

Isn't it beautiful? I just love my cover. It's too perfect for the story. Here's the blurb! 

It’s couples' skating night down at the local rink and Elena Armstrong can’t seem to keep her cocky jock blind date around long enough to knee him in the balls. Sadly, she was too much of a cheapskate to pay for a membership to an online dating site and based everything on Leonard’s personality profile alone. Big mistake.

At the opposite end of the rink, Ben Kessel, another cheapskate on a blind date with Iris, the ice princess, is having a similarly miserable time. Elena, a hater of all things sports-related, inches out into the skating world butt-first and collides with Ben. After sharing their hilarious and horrifying dates-gone-wrong stories, the two disappear and make everything right again on the floor in the players’ dressing room. Almost everything. They forget to exchange numbers. Now these two cheapskates need to make the ultimate sacrifice: pay for a membership to the online dating site so they can track ea
ch other down. But is the possibility of love really worth the price of $24.95 per month? 

Ready for an excerpt? Okay!

Hey, uh, what’s your last name?”


Kessel. Elena Kessel. Mmm, that has a nice ring to it.

You still there?”

She grinned and said in a seductive voice, “I wanna kessel all over you.”

I wanna kessel all over him too. :D Hope you enjoyed! My Cheapskates are now on Goodreads! If you'd like to add it to your TBR list, click here

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Six Sentence Sunday #24!

Season's Greetings, my darlings! Thank you for stopping by! I'm going to keep this short and sweet since I'm a teensy bit behind on all my festive preparations. Here are another six (maybe seven...or eleven) sentences from my WIP called Love Notes. I'm continuing the scene from last week, where I introduced Sam, our hero, high school music teacher, and my fictional boyfriend. :D

Dropping his briefcase on the front desk, he stretched his shoulders and admired the room that so many otherwise condemned. “Good morning, everyone!” he called over the jumble of noise. Within moments, lips were sealed, instruments were silenced, and all eyes were focused on Sam.

“You guys are getting pretty good at that,” he complimented, smirking. “Our spring concert is quickly approaching so I’d like to spend the majority of this period working on our—”

A hand shot up from the back row. “Mr. Jacobson?”

“Yes, Darryl?” he answered patiently.

“Is it bad if you drop a pencil into a tuba?”

Sam attempted to speak over the giggles that sprinkled the air. “Worse things have happened.”

Wishing you all a safe and happy holiday! Cheers! :)

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Six Sentence Sunday #23!

Happy, happy Sunday, my friends! Thanks for stopping by during this busy holiday season! :) Over the last few weeks I've been sharing bits and pieces from the novel I'm working on called Love Notes. So now you all know a little more about my heroine, Janelle Webber, and her quirky friends. But I think it's only right I introduce you to my hero too. His name is Sam Jacobson, a slightly nerdy and terribly sweet high school music teacher who I have a gigantic crush on. 

Sam’s smile widened when his eyes landed on room 102. The squeaks and squawks of unseasoned musicians greeted him long before. Thick wooden shelves wrapped around the perimeter of the room, containing case after case of instruments. Music stands screeched against the floor. A cowbell clanged followed by sparks of laughter. The low blast of an out-of-tune tuba reverberated.

Sam took a deep breath, inhaling the musty scent of velvet from the instrument cases and the sharp tang of valve oil. It was strangely comforting.

Isn't he cute? :D I love my Sam. Okay, so that's all for now. Hope you have a wonderful day and tune in next week! 

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Online Dating 101 - Special Edition

My friends! Helloooooo! Hope you're all doing well! Normally I have a guest blogger on Wednesdays to share their own personal online dating story, but today I'm my own guest! You're totally allowed to do that. I didn't see any rules against it in the blogger handbook. I'm my guest, I'm my guest! Put my service to the test! Sorry, I got a little carried away there. Do you have any idea of the significance of this day?! It's 12/12/12! *dances*

Some of you may be going, "Yeah, I guess that's kind of cool and stuff, but we had one of those in November last year with the 11/11/11." To you I say, "Good point, but 11 is not 12, and 12 happens to be my most favourite number in the entire world!" :D

It all stems back to my early days of playing soccer. The year was 1998. I tried out and made the rep soccer team for my local city, and I was ecstatic. I prayed I'd get the number 7 on my jersey, but wouldn't you know it. That was the coach's daughter's number. Instead, I was handed 12. It meant nothing to me then. 

Somehow that number turned out to be magical for me. It helped to earn me the nickname 'animal' on the field. I was the central defender, the last line of defense before the goalie. I ate more dirt that season than a two-year-old turned loose in a sandbox. I was a slide-tackling champion. No one could get past me, and if they did, they'd live to regret it. Number 12 and I bonded that year, my friends, and we've been inseparable ever since. 

Which brings us back to today and the whole point of this blog. Over the years, 12 has continued to be good to me. So when I dream, as I often do, about my future wedding, the date is always 12/12/12. *looks at calendar* *shrugs* Yeah, there's not going to be a ceremony for me today, unless you call the spastic dancing I plan to do at 12:12 a ceremony of the disturbed. I can accept and appreciate that now is not the time for me to be married. Okay, so I'm kind of hoping a really cute, really tall guy with curly hair, baby blue eyes, and the hottest running shoes evah will knock on my door in the next twelve minutes and propose to me, but that probably won't happen. Now is not the time. Mr. Right is out there for me, I know, but today is not my wedding day, as badly as I want it to be. 

Let me tell you what else I know. I know that I found a really cool guy on eHarmony. I call him Mr. Rube Goldberg because he builds these things called Rube Goldberg machines for a living. If you're scratching your head, it's okay. I totally did too. I'll show you what one looks like in two seconds and recognition will dawn. One-one-thousand, two-one-thousand.... 

Okay, here's his latest creation: Goldberg vs Newton

I always make fun of him and call his machines something other than what they are. I say, "How's that spaceship coming along?" "What's new with your death star?" "Any closer to finishing the world's biggest bouncy castle?" "How about that giant robot you've been working on?" "Hey, good luck with your Rubik's cube." I think it amuses him for the most part. ;)

We talk all the time on facebook. Yeah, we've moved BEYOND eHarmony. That's how cool we are. And he's this guy who can build these insanely amazing things, AND he's funny. He cracks me up constantly. I think he might be the most interesting man in the world. Mr. Rube Goldberg and I haven't yet met, but we have plans to in the very near future. He may not be THE guy for me, but he's A guy, and he's awesome, and I really can't wait to meet him and talk a little more in depth about his solar systems...or whatever the hell they are. :P

So yeah. I'm just a girl, looking for a guy to marry me someday. It doesn't have to be today, but I know something magical is bound to happen today no matter what. :) It's the power of 12! So go forth and enjoy the day! 

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Six Sentence Sunday #22!

Hiiiiiiiiiiiii! Hi! Um, hi! :D Thanks for coming! Would you care for a festive snack? I've got gingerbread cookies, eggnog, and candy cane chocolate crackle ice cream. Oh, I also have six more sentences to share from my story, Love Notes! It's the novel I've been workin' on, and I'm no closer to being able to explain it. Well, that's not entirely true. Perhaps I can sum it up with this: Janelle is a woman in love with a man she's never met, never seen, and never touched. But she hears him, and when she does, butterflies swarm her stomach. And she can smell him--a rich and tangy masculine scent that makes her ache with need. And when he sings to her, he fills her soul with purpose. How's that for a teaser? ;)

Now, since you've all been getting such a kick out of it, I decided to continue the same scene as the last two weeks. In case you missed the party, I'll set the stage for you. We've got Janelle, a dental hygienist, cleaning her best friend Teri's teeth. Teri has a slight problem distinguishing the proper way to use an electric toothbrush. Here's a link to the last two excerpts if you want to catch up: One and Two

“But I do love you, and I love your teeth, so I’m going to give you another electric toothbrush for your teeth only.” She laughed. “I shouldn’t even have to say that.”

“If only they had the same warning on the box.” Teri sighed.

Another giggle broke free. “Deal?”

“Deal,” Teri surrendered, opening wide.

Hope you enjoyed! :D Happy Sunday, everyone! 

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Six Sentence Sunday #21!

Hewwwohhh! :D Welcome to my blog! I'm gonna tell you a secret about me: I love to make people laugh! Okay, so that's maybe not a secret. For those who have been here before (and thank you for your continued visits!), I'm sure you've noticed my six sentences tend to either fall into the hot and steamy category, the silly/quirky category, or a combination of the two. And today's excerpt is no different. It's a continuation of the scene I shared last week. I'm writing a novel, my friends. One that's so unique I haven't yet been able to think of a way to explain it to people. However, I can tell you it's called Love Notes, and I can also tell you that this scene features Janelle, our heroine and dental hygienist, and Teri, one of her best friends who just admitted to using an electric toothbrush to satisfy other, um . . . oral needs. :D Enjoy! 

“Teri,” Janelle said somberly, turning back to her friend, “you need to get laid.”

“I don’t know,” Teri murmured, still chuckling. “My Oral-B and I are pretty happy.”

Janelle snorted again.

“Actually, I’ve been thinking about having a lusty affair with Sonicare.”

“You’re nuts,” she told her, gesturing for her to open her mouth again.

Hope you liked! :) Thanks for stopping by and have a wonderful day! 

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

The Next Big Thing Blog Hop!

Howdy, friends! I'm taking a mini break from my Online Dating 101 series to participate in a fun blog hop! The Next Big Thing is designed to raise awareness of authors' work, or work in progress. I was tagged by Val Clarizio and have to answer ten questions. So here goes!

What is the title of your next book?
My next book, releasing in mid January of next year, is called Cheapskates in Love.

Where did the idea come from for the book?
I was talking to my girlfriends one night online, discussing how I'd been perusing the eHarmony online dating website using my free membership because I was too cheap to purchase a legit one. And, as it turns out, I found a pretty interesting guy on there who had a free membership too. We met and hit it off, for the short time we actually dated, and I believe it was the fabulous Margaret Ethridge who referred to us as cheapskates in love. Then and there I knew that needed to be the title of a book, so I wrote it!

What genre does your book fall under? 
I would categorize it as an erotic/romantic comedy, if that's even a category. It is now! :D

Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition? 
Well, I directly compare my hero to Harry Connick Jr. in the story, so he's an automatic hire. As for my heroine...I'm gonna have to go with Jessica Biel. Hmmm. They'd make a great couple in real life too, wouldn't they? Then I could take Justin Timberlake. We share a birthday so it's only right.

What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book? 
Is the possibility of love really worth the price of $24.95 per month?

Will your book be self-published or represented by an agency? 
My Cheapskates have found a home with Turquoise Morning Press.

How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript? 
Exactly three minutes and forty-two seconds. Actually, it took me a few weeks. It's a novelette, around 8400 words, but they are 8400 AWESOME words. ;)

What other books would you compare this story to within your genre? 
This book is a one-of-a-kind. Totally and completely unique. Kinda like me. *nods* :P

Who or What inspired you to write this book? 
I've already touched on this a little, but it was a combination of my own personal experiences in online dating, and the dialogue exchanged with friends during one of our many chats about my love life, or lack thereof. 

What else about your book might pique the readers' interest? 
It's quirky and funny. There's nudity and sexy times. My new made-up word 'spocking' is featured. It pokes fun at online dating. My characters are hot. I'll give you cookies if you buy it....

Aaaand that's about all I have to say! Thanks for reading! If you're interested in participating in this blog hop, let me know! I need to tag five new people!! :)

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Six Sentence Sunday #20!

Gooooood morning, friends, fellow authors, and readers! I can't believe I've been doing this for twenty weeks! Wowwwwy! Thank you for continuing to visit my blog and sharing in the fun of Six Sentence Sunday! Today I decided to switch things up a bit and introduce you to a novel I've been working on. Now I hear Stewie Griffin in my head. Anywayyyy, this is called Love Notes. I would give you a premise, but I'm not sure I could explain it without making your heads spin. Someday I will. ;) What I can do, however, is set up this scene. In it, we have Janelle, a dental hygienist, examining her friend's teeth. And here goes....

“You have a lot of recession going on with those gums, Teri. Haven’t you been using that electric toothbrush I gave you?”

Teri nodded enthusiastically when Janelle retracted her instruments. “Oh, I’ve been using it all right. Just for, um . . . other purposes. The mischievous glint in her eyes caused Janelle to snort out loud.

I'll leave the rest to your imaginations. :D Hope you enjoyed! Happy Sunday, everyone!! 

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Online Dating 101 - Love Stories

Good morning, class! Have I ever got a treat for you today! My dear, sweet almost-sis-in-law, Krista, is here to share the story of how she met my brother, Jeff, online. Krista is the sister I always wanted but never knew I truly needed. We wrestle, we make fun of each other, we goof around together, we even go shopping together (for dresses of all things *shudder*), and, best of all, we love each other. Or we try to, at least. ;) I think you'll all love her too after reading this charming story. Take it away, Krista!

The most interesting observation I've made when telling people I met my fiance on a dating website is their reaction. To call it a mixed bag would be an enormous understatement. They fall into three distinct categories: the "Oh! Good for you!" crowd…We all know them. Somehow they always have a "lonely aunt who lived on her couch for 15 years with her tuna can-eating cats and decided to try online dating too", and poof, she's married now! Then there's the "Ha Ha! Yeah right!…No?…Seriously!…Seriously???" crowd. They launch into stories about how people can't possibly be that good looking in their photos. 'Why else would they be on a dating site!' to your face. Right after telling them that you're on a dating website. But then there's the third category. My favourite. I call this crowd the "Aww!" crowd. These people get it. They're either looking for themselves, looking for someone else, or have found love. They appreciate a great love story. They understand the challenges that come with looking for your mate, and they get that it doesn't always come in the traditional way. 

I met Jeff just over a year ago on eHarmony. Our story began when the random cyber gods decided to run our photos past each other's profile. The rest was left up to us. As soon as I saw his face the night I logged in, I knew that he needed to meet me, because I needed to meet him. He had these rascal blue eyes and a smile that went on for days that just kept me coming back to look. I was hooked. 

He sent me a wink. Saweet. 

So I sent him my likes and dislikes. *eHarmony has a billion questions that you have to answer and a guided communication process that can only be likened to Victorian courting rituals*. He sent back his likes and dislikes. Mini fist pump in the air. 

So I sent him some questions about life, love, etc. He sent me some back. But gasp! I went to open what he wrote and it froze. It kept freezing on my screen for 5 days after. This was not good. All I could read from his response to "Describe three things that you bring to a relationship" was "garlic recipe for years". It cut off mid-sentence and wouldn't let me read further. What if it said "I would make you my garlic recipe for years and years, until we grow old"? It could say anything. Clearly I was not being rational. So I decided to be practical. I called eHarmony. They fixed the problem. We were good to go. 

So I wrote back this hilarious story about what had happened and tried to come off as charming and witty. And then I waited. And waited some more. Maybe I had missed the mark? Not enough cool and Rico Suave, Krista?

Little did I know that Jeff was having the same issues on his end. WTF, eHarmony! You make us believe in your magic, get us crushing on people, then you cruelly play cyber tricks where we feel emotionally straight-jacketed with no control?!? But I digress.

After two months of technical difficulties, we were taking no chances. The eHarmony chastity belt lifted and we could exchange phone numbers. Now we were in business. 

I could give you the details of our first date…the place, what we wore, the funny anecdotes we told. But what I remember most is that I found who I was meant to be with. My life changed the instant that I walked up and he wrapped me in his arms to say hello and hours later, goodbye. I fell in love and have kept falling in love everyday since. I wake up every morning with a smile on my face.

And as I close off this little tale and look down at my fiance all snuggled up in bed beside me, I think about all the people we get to tell our story to. Because love is something that should be shared. 

Awww, so true. Which is precisely the point of this blog segment. Personally, I'd rather not know why Krista wakes up with a smile on her face every morning, but I'm very happy she does. :D Hope you all enjoyed this charming and true story of online love! Stay tuned for next week's guest! 

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Six Sentence Sunday #19!

Hiiiiiiiiii! Welcome to the circus! I received such a positive response on last week's excerpt that I decided to share another six from the same story, continuing from where we left off. Here's a link to last week's excerpt: Click me! All Action, No Talk, is the charmingly quirky love story of a clown and a mime. Here's the blurb: 

Alice Moore is a clown . . . in love with a mime.

Her parents have never approved of her circus-oriented lifestyle and in effort to deter her from wasting her life clowning around, they set her up with family friend, Grant Humphrey. A practical man. A businessman. And the last man on earth she wants to marry, but here she is, marching down the aisle toward him.

Alex Holiday is a mime . . . in love with a clown.

He’s silently followed Alice from venue to venue on the circus circuit, working alongside her, worshiping her in secret. He’s never been able to tell her how he feels . . . until now. When he catches wind of the upcoming wedding, he vows to put a stop to it. But will his objection be too late?

And now, the continuing story....

She gasped but she didn’t pull away. She felt herself sinking more into his warmth, into the safety of the familiar. Tilting her head, she murmured into his ear, “Object.”
They met eyes. “I need you to object.”
“But that means I’ll have to…in front of everyone.”

Thanks for reading! Have a fabulous Sunday! :)

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Online Dating 101 - Love Stories

Good morning, my darling pupils! Today on the blog, Krista Ames, fellow TMP author, is here to share her own personal online dating fairytale. Krista is a sweetheart of a person, so it only makes sense that she writes sweet romance too. I also hear she has a new book releasing next week. Be sure to check out her website for further details. Take it away, Krista!

Hi Evelyn :)  Thanks so much for having me on your blog today!!

I have always, ALWAYS been a Happily Ever After type of girl.  I don’t like reading anything that ends any other way, so when I lived in Florida and my marriage ended I was heartbroken.  Marriage was it for me, but apparently that particular it wasn’t meant to be.  I continued living my life-after-divorce with my 3 wonderful kids in sunny Florida and in those quiet hours I worked on my writing.

One day a friend emailed, begging me to join a social site she’d found called  It’s one of those sites where you set up your profile and then to add friends you scroll through hundreds and hundreds of people (men and women) to make selections based on what their profile says.  There are chat rooms with probably a hundred different themes, games you can play, and ‘tags’ (little pictures) you can send to your friends. Well, before I knew it I had a few hundred friends which meant I spent too much time on there, but I didn’t do anything else except work and take care of my kids.  Of course this was all just casual for me anyway; I wasn’t looking to hook up with anyone.  I’d heard way too many stories about meeting someone on the internet and it kinda creeped me out.

So, one day I sent a cute little how-ya-doin-hot-stuff tag to one of my friends that I sometimes exchanged a hi, how ya doin greeting with, and afterward I thought, oh crap!  I know his profile said single or at least I thought it did but what if he had a girlfriend or a wife? I was becoming horrified at the thought. I wanted no part in home wrecking so I sent him a private message apologizing for the tag I’d sent and told him I didn’t want to cause any trouble with his wife or girlfriend.

Surprisingly, he wrote back and said “no worries, no wife, no girlfriend, have a great day Krista.”  I was beyond relieved, and I didn’t notice at first but apparently my ‘tag’ gave way to a lot more communication. Before I knew it I had at least 1 message from him every day.  Got to the point where I lived for checking my account to see if I’d hear from him.  Then one day, he didn’t just message me, he asked for my number so maybe we could text each other.  And why would I say no? (Because my mother always said never talk to strangers)  Oh well, what kid ever listened to their mother anyway? :)  The texts burned up our phone lines until one night, after putting the kids to bed, instead of the text beep I expected, my phone was ringing and it was his number.  I froze…Was I ready for that step? 

Heck yah I was!  I’ve always been a sucker for a sweet and sexy voice and his did NOT disappoint.  That very first phone call was over 4 hours long. We never ran out of anything to say.  With the many calls after that, I was getting attached and hadn’t even met this guy in person.  I was afraid it would never happen because while I was still in Florida, he lived in Michigan. :( However, it seemed my life was taking some unexpected turns financially, and with no support from my ex, my measly job wasn’t enough to pay the bills.  I could no longer afford to stay in Florida. 

I made the difficult decision to pack up my kids, leave a job I loved, say goodbye to my mom (who still lives in Florida), and move back home to Indiana where I’m from.  Excitedly, that meant where this ‘friend’ of mine lived was only a 3 hour drive from where I would be staying, so he arranged for us to meet halfway on a weekend, the very weekend I drove in from Florida.  That was such a great weekend it changed my life forever. 

This all happened almost exactly 3 years ago and today I live in Michigan with that wonderful man that I met online and married a year ago. :)

I definitely never would have thought online dating would work but it sure changed my life!  The one thing I really think makes it work is taking the physical pressures out of the picture and enabling two people to get to know each other first.   

Thank you so much for being here, Krista! I loved your story, and I loved even more the number of emoticons you used in it. :D So there you have it, folks. Another online dating love story. Hope to see you next week! 

ETA: Here's a link to Krista's webpage for release info and cover reveal! Click me!

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Six Sentence Sunday #18!

Hiya, folks! Hope you're all having a sensational Sunday! My brain is stuck in a circus tent on account of me teaching my Grade 11 drama class a unit on clowning, so I figured today would be the perfect day to share an excerpt from my Mime/Clown wedding story called 'All Action, No Talk'. Clever, isn't it? ;) 

Here's the blurb: 

Alice Moore is a clown . . . in love with a mime.

Her parents have never approved of her circus-oriented lifestyle and in effort to deter her from wasting her life clowning around, they set her up with family friend, Grant Humphrey. A practical man. A businessman. And the last man on earth she wants to marry, but here she is, marching down the aisle toward him.

Alex Holiday is a mime . . . in love with a clown.

He’s silently followed Alice from venue to venue on the circus circuit, working alongside her, worshiping her in secret. He’s never been able to tell her how he feels . . . until now. When he catches wind of the upcoming wedding, he vows to put a stop to it. But will his objection be too late?

And now, an excerpt!

“You can talk.” She covered her mouth when a giddy laugh escaped.

Clasping the hand that still pressed to his chest, he whispered, “Don’t blow my cover.” She nodded, hypnotized by the color of his eyes from up close—aquamarine with flecks of copper and gold. Like an ocean filled with treasures. “And don’t marry that guy.”

Who knew mimes were so sexy and demanding? Rawwrrrrr! :D Thanks for stopping by and enjoy the rest of your day! 

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Online Dating 101 - Love Stories

Hello, friends, and welcome back to class! Today, instead of giving lessons or tips about dating, I have my very good friend, Jennifer, here with me to share the story of how she met her true love via online dating. But first, let's talk about how Jennifer and I met each other. The year was 1997. We were in Grade 9, and we quickly became friends due to several reasons: We both loved sports, we both loved Skittles, and we were nuts about the Spice Girls. Yeah, we totally went to see Spice World when it first released. Multiple times. She's been a wonderful friend and I'm thrilled she's found happiness in her love life! 

Now, without further ado, sit back, relax, and enjoy Jenn's story!

Merry Christmas, Darling....

Most people are shocked when I tell them I met my husband online. Despite the fact that we live in a technology-based society, people are still amazed my husband and I are a success story. How successful? We've been married for 4 years now (coming up on Dec. 6th). It all began around Christmas, 2005. I was travelling back and forth between here and the States for school when I decided to give online dating a try. I had recently broken up with a boyfriend and the bar scene was not exactly what I call dating-friendly. So I created myself a page on LavaLife. 

I recieved lots of 'smiles' and started to get some attention from all different kinds of men. I liked that I could read their interests and it was easy to eliminate the men I had nothing in common with. After a few weeks I started chatting with a guy whom I really enjoyed getting to know. We met at a hockey rink, a public place where I felt comfortable, and hit it off right from the get-go. A few weeks of seeing one another, we began to develop a relationship. comes the baggage... “I'm sorta...married....” Argh...seriously? Yes, girls, it happens. But the way I see it, you can meet a married man in a bar or at the grocery store as well. 

After about 3 months of meeting 20 different kinds of men (including 2 married! lol), I decided to give it up for a little bit. Then, on Dec. 23rd, 2005, I got a 'smile' from a man. He messaged me saying he liked my photo and interests and asked if it would be okay to chat sometime on MSN (yes, kickin’ it old school with good ol' msn messenger). We chatted and I didn’t expect much out of it. I told him right off the bat that I wasn’t up for hidden agendas, and if he was married then GOODBYE!!! I thought he would vanish but he asked for my phone number. A persistent guy, I must say. So I eventually gave him my phone number over the holidays and that was it. We chatted on the phone for months before meeting which helped us develop a strong foundation for our relationship. I was in the States and that prevented us from meeting up sooner. 

We met the following May and instantly hit it off. In early 2007 he proposed and we got married Christmas of 2008. I guess the important lessons I learned with online dating is the communication part. Because my husband and I chatted for so long (average 4 hours a day x’s 5 months) we had that strong bond and foundation for our relationship. We are each other's best friends. I’m also a believer that your partner needs to “move mountains” for you. Here’s an example. When my husband and I were engaged, I was just finishing up school in the States. We had to do the long distance thing for a little while. He would drive down occasionally and surprise me. Twelve hours of driving just to see the one he loved. In my opinion, that’s moving mountains. As I have previously mentioned, we will be celebrating 4 years of marriage next month and 7 years since we first met. Merry Christmas, Darling. You are everything I could ever want in a life partner. -Jenn

*dreamy sigh* Oh, Jenn. You give me hope. How great was that story? Thank you so much for sharing it with us and giving us all a reason to believe in the possibility of finding love online. Happy Almost-Anniversary!! :x 

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Six Sentence Sunday #17!

Oh my goodness! It's Sunday again! Today is an especially wonderful Sunday thanks to daylight saving time. One more hour of sleep! Wooohoooo! :D Hope you're all doing well and ready for some good times! For those who've never been around these parts, I try to share snippets every week that are fun and sexy with a hint of quirkiness. Or, as my tagline goes, a kiss of quirk with your kink. Today's excerpt is from my January 2013 release, Cheapskates in Love! Here's the blurb: 

It's couples' skating night down at the local rink and Elena Armstrong can't seem to keep her cocky jock blind date around long enough to knee him in the balls. Sadly, she was too much of a cheapskate to pay for a membership to an online dating site and based everything on Leonard's personality profile alone. Big mistake. 

At the opposite end of the rink, Ben Kessel, another cheapskate on a blind date with Iris, the ice princess, is having a similarly miserable time. Elena, a hater of all things sports-related, inches out into the skating world butt-first and collides with Ben. After sharing their hilarious and horrifying dates-gone-wrong stories, the two disappear and make everything right again on the floor in the players’ dressing room. Almost everything. They forget to exchange numbers. Now these two cheapskates need to make the ultimate sacrifice: pay for a membership to the online dating site so they can track each other down. But is the possibility of love really worth the price of $24.95 per month?  

And now, an excerpt! This is Elena sharing with Ben her opinion of online dating. 

"When you have a free account you can’t see any of their pictures, but the people with paid memberships can see yours any old time they want. Right now, I bet like forty bald men with beer guts are checking me out online.” He snorted. “We’re at a huge disadvantage. We have to be all, ‘your profile spoke to me, and I don’t really care how you look because I can’t see you anyway. It’s what’s inside that counts’…which is total bullshit.” 

Hope you enjoyed! :D Every Wednesday I have a segment on my blog called Online Dating 101, so if you appreciated this, you'll definitely get a kick out of it! See you soon! 

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Online Dating 101 - Lesson Five

Hello there, class! Welcome to another exciting lesson on this spooktacular day! Remember last week (or some other random date) when I told you I had plenty of positive stories and lessons to share about online dating? Well, before we get into today's lesson, I'm going to share some wonderful news with you. My brother recently became engaged to an amazing woman named Krista. And these two crazy kids just so happened to meet on eHarmony. If I could have hand-picked a sister, she would be it. They're a perfect match for each other, and I know without question theirs will be a love that lasts a lifetime. Plus, I might have already purchased toys for their future children, so it sure as hell better last. I'm gonna be the bestest aunt EVAH! 

Anyway, speaking of Krista, my future sis-in-law, today's lesson in online dating is inspired by her. We call it 'The Eight Rules of First Dates'. 

Rule #1: The guy should come to you. This is an ironclad rule. But never, ever let him pick you up at your house. Because I might have done that once, and he might have talked for like an hour to my roommates, and we might have missed our reservation because Chatty (with the girlish voice) couldn't shut up. Solution: Meet him at the chosen location. 

Rule #2: Try to wrap the date up at the one hour mark (max 2.5 hours). Leave them wanting more. If it lasts longer than that, you won't have any material for the next date. True story. Then you'll have to be like me and start writing out scripts on your hands. No one wants to see that. 

Rule #3: Never go to a coffee shop because it de-sexualizes the relationship. I have no idea what that means, but Krista told me to write it. Always go for a drink (besides coffee). It helps to break the ice. 

Rule #4: Always overdress for a date because even if it doesn't work out, you want to leave them thinking they went out with a hot piece of ass. What if I just go naked? Same diff?

Rule #5: The girl should be willing to pay. However, most guys are on their best behaviour for a first date, so if he doesn't reach for the bill then that's kind of a bad sign. One of those 'get out while you still can' signs. Just sayin'....

Okay, personally? I wouldn't go on a second date with a guy who didn't at least offer to pay for the first. There. I said it. I may be a cheapskate, but I'm an old fashioned cheapskate. 

Rule #6: Never make plans on a Monday for a Thursday date. There's too much of a time gap. There's too much uncertainty. If you want to build anticipation, Wednesday evening will do the trick. So will the promise of bowling. Mmhmm. 

Rule #7: Guys need to take the initiative. Never say to a girl, "I'm not familiar with your area. What do you suggest?" Um, he can Google. Make a reservation or choose a nice place. It's not rocket science. 'Familiar with your area?' *giggles*

Rule #8: No Sunday dates. Period. Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday night are excellent date nights. Saturdays are best for second dates. And no one wants to date on a Monday, because, seriously, we all have a case of the Mondays on Monday. Friday night I crashed your party. Saturday I said I'm sorry. Sunday came and trashed me out again...Sorry, I got the Billy Joel fevah. 

Okay, so that concludes our fifth lesson! Many thanks to Krista for her contributions! Next week I have a very special guest who'll be sharing her story of how she met her husband online. They fell in love, even though they were an ocean apart. Stay tuned! :)

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Six Sentence Sunday #16!

Well, hello there! So nice to see your lovely faces! Come on in and take a seat. I have everything from sectional sofas to bean bag chairs for your tender tushies. :D Now, for the entertainment! Today's excerpt is from my story 'Human Touch' featured in the Passionate Exhibitions anthology now available! Here's the blurb: 

Julia Weston hasn’t been with a man in a long time. A really, really long time. Too damn long. When her friend notices her relocation into hermit-ville, she suggests an outing to the local museum for their newest exhibit: Penises of the World. There, the two women are wowed by the phenomenal phallic displays—everything from the 67-inch-long blue whale penis to the anaconda’s two-for-one special.

Clinton Foster, the museum curator, has had his eye on Julia from the moment she entered the building. He’s stunned by her beauty, fascinated by her quirkiness, and praying for an excuse—any excuse—to talk to her. When she stops (for an obscene amount of time) to gawk at the well-endowed whale and attempts to touch the display, Clinton quickly jumps in and asks her to refrain from disturbing the displays. That’s a museum no-no. She accompanies him back to his office under the pretense of further reprimanding, and she soon learns there is a certain penis on the premises that is fair game. 

And now for the good stuff....

She bit her lip as he exposed more and more of her skin. 

“I don’t, uh, normally…I mean, I’ve been eating a lot of ice cream lately and it’s not exactly figure flat—”

He dropped to his knees. His tongue dipped into her belly button, wet and slick, and traced circles around the sensitive ridge.

“Raspberry ripple,” he murmured. “My favorite.”

Hope you enjoyed! Thanks so much for stopping by and have a fabulous day! :)

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Online Dating 101 - Lesson Four

My dear friends and pupils, are you ever in for a treat today! Maggie Wells, author extraordinaire and fellow dirty girl, is here to help us make some sense of man-speak in a lesson we like to call 'Decoding the Man-speak'. I really need to think about trademarking these titles. They're genius, I tell you. 

I gave Maggie a list containing samples of some of the profiles I've been matched with on eHarmony. This is merely a taste of what the men-folk are offering the ladies in the online dating world. Maggie then translated their romantic proclamations into plain English, and I will now share those with you. Oh, and I would advise you to refrain from drinking any liquids at this time because there's a strong chance they'll end up coating your computer screen. 

MT = Maggie Translation

1. Nevertheless, I look for my Juliet and my Rose of Titanic, the woman that knows what it takes to keep it real and ready to love and be loved. MT:  I want a woman who would rather drink poison than live without me and knows the value of a good solid door.
2. I will want to know EVERYTHING about a person, especially your past, family, circle of friends, just as I expect mine to be shared. MT: I’ve already plumbed your Facebook, G+, and Twitter profiles, but that isn’t enough for me. Give me your Social Security Number so we can be truly intimate.
3. I am seeking a professional female whose ambition, kindness, intelligence and compassion brings light into a room. MT: I want someone who can pay the electric for me.
4. I am open to all types of women although I prefer a classy woman, who relies on her natural beauty and is open to physical activity. MT: I want a woman who ‘forgets’ to wear underpants on breezy days.
5. I like gadgets, and gear, and anything that isn't really the every day run of the mill product. MT: Is seeking woman with her own vibrator. Batteries not included.
6. I’m a huge trivia buff! MT: Seriously? So is Alex Trebek.
7. The most important thing I am looking for in a person is faith and an optimism about life, and general thirst to live fully and enjoy thoroughly. MT: I want you to believe in me even when I don’t because I have no self-esteem. I also want a cherry Coke.
8. I'm a very sexual guy, but that doesn't mean it's all I'm looking for. MT: But it’s MOST of what I’m looking for.
9. I also enjoy planting and gardening. Creating designs that enhance the outdoor space adding plants and vegetable plants to a patio or screen room. MT: Um…Is that a cucumber in your pocket?
10. Looks might get me in the start, but personality is what gets me in the end. MT: Well, personality and that one guy at prep school, but that was just a little experimentation.
11. I'm looking for the real thing. I would have never thought I would be on a site like this. MT: Because my mother told me sites like this were populated by tramps and harlots. I’m secretly hoping Mother was right.
12. I like to research and read up on different hobbies, enhancing my knowledge of certain areas of interest so I can apply them later on. MT: I own a dog-eared copy of ‘Sex for Dummies’.
I would like to hire Maggie to be my personal entertainer. :D Wasn't this fabulous? Thank you so much for joining us today, Ms. Wells! I hope you all tune in next week when I share with you the rules of first dates! 

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Six Sentence Sunday #15!

Happy Sunday! Thanks for coming! I have some festive treats for you today, such as pumpkin pie, hot apple cider, and, of course, candy corn. Help yourself to anything and everything. While you're munching away, I'll tell you a little bit about the excerpt I'm gonna share with you today. It's from a hot and steamy story called Sweet Smoke. A firefighter landlord and his fire-waiting-to-happen tenant get caught in a few heated situations. Here's one of them....

            She wasn't sure what turned her on more: the fact that the man worked with his hands, or that her lease had been pressed against his ass this entire time. She did her best to smooth the creases out of the pages, barely scanning the printed words as she went. There were far more important things to think about, like how she was now touching the paper that was still warm from the heat of his body.
 Feeling his eyes on her, she lifted her head and murmured, "Got a pen, Smokey?" God help her, he pulled one from his shirt pocket. How many girls get to sign an ass lease with a chest pen?

Hope you enjoyed! Have a fabulous day! :)

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Online Dating 101 - Lesson Three

Hello, my darling pupils! Welcome to another exciting lesson! Today we have special guest, Dawn, with us to share some of her experiences with online dating in a lesson we like to call 'The Trouble With Text-speak'. Alternate title: 'How Online Dating is like Google'. Well, I have a confession. Dawn isn't REALLY here, but she gave me permission to use her material. Seriously. So I'm gonna pretend I'm her now. Ready? Here goes....

Hey, y'all! (She's from down south). So I tried out the whole online dating thing and it wasn't the greatest experience for me. There are several reasons for that, y'all. (Am I overdoing the y'all? I'll pull back a bit). Some of the men on there say stuff that really boils my craw. 

Okay, better idea. I'm going to share the conversation I had with Dawn about online dating. :D This is verbatim. Mostly. 

D: I hardly got any responses, and the ones I did get were ridiculous. On one site they allowed you to set certain restrictions, so I set the one that stated you had to send a message with a minimum character count. I got sick of seeing messages like, "Hi." I set it to the max it allowed, which I think wasn't much at all. Like 200. A day or two goes by and I actually get a message. It said, "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!"

E: LOLOL! See, this is what I'm talking about! I want you to share stories like this.

D: That's not even enough to make a post! I didn't last long in the internet dating world. For me, the internet is where you get instant gratification. You Google, and bam! There's your answer. My mistake was assuming online dating would be the same way. I would put up a profile, search, and bam! Find a bunch of options. Like Google, sure, I expected a lot of the results to not match. What I didn't expect was that all I would get would be invalid links. You know, like profiles where the guys claimed to have a college degree but for some reason were unable to use punctuation. 

E: Dawn, I'm telling you, I could just copy and paste this entire conversation. 

D: And then those that felt that an attractive trait would be to use text-speak. How many guys walk into bars and actually pick up women by saying something like, "Hi, colon close parenthesis. Ur profile is nice, L-O-L."

E: This is perfection. I'm copying all of this and I'll give you credit. 

D: Works for me. 

E: So I tweeted this today: "I've had three baldies in a row in new round of eHarms matches. I don't remember asking for men without hair. Pants, on the other hand...." And then I got a random tweet from some dude I don't even know that said, "You leave us baldies alone!"

D: Hahahahahahahahaha! Which reminds me of something that drove me nuts about the whole pic thing with online dating. What is up with guys taking pics with their shirt off in front of the mirror? And if you do this, why does it not cross their mind to at least clean up the area of the bathroom that will be in the frame of the shot? 

E: LOL! I love the guys who take pics of their 40,000 tattoos, because that really turns me on. 

D: Also? There is no need to post a pic of you with your vehicle. If you feel it is important to let people know  that you have a means of transportation, you need to re-evaluate your personal strengths. 

E: Hee! This is gold, Jerry! Gold!

D: And the guys with their vehicle pics are always with cars or trucks that are so big. As if we don't know that equates to small brain and small penis.

E: I know, right?! Jeez! And copying....

D: And then some guys are so dedicated to putting up a good pic they have someone get a side view of them actually driving. 

E: Ha!

D: Because, you know, we can't trust the guy can drive just because he was pictured with his car. We need to see him operating the vehicle. 

E: I can't believe you said you have no material! I have enough for two blog posts now. /End conversation

Welllllll, maybe not quite two, but that was pretty awesome, wasn't it? I know the past three lessons haven't been putting online dating in the most positive light, but we'll get to that. I promise. Next week, my BFF and fellow author, Margaret Ethridge, will be here to shed some light on what the guys are really saying in their profiles in a segment we call 'Decoding Man-Speak'. Hope you stay tuned! I've seen a sneak peek and it's hysterically funny, not to mention educational. That's what we're all about here at Evelyn's blog-house. Hope y'all have a fabulous day! :x

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Six Sentence Sunday #14!

Hello and good morning, my friends! I can't believe I've been doing this for fourteen weeks already, and I'm still having an absolute blast! Hope you're enjoying reading the excerpts as much as I enjoy sharing them and writing them in the first place. :) Today's six come from my January 2013 release, Cheapskates in Love. Here's the blurb: 

It’s couples' skating night down at the local rink and Elena Armstrong can’t seem to keep her cocky jock blind date around long enough to knee him in the balls. Sadly, she was too much of a cheapskate to pay for a membership to an online dating site and based everything on Leonard’s personality profile alone. Big mistake.

At the opposite end of the rink, Ben Kessel, another cheapskate on a blind date with Iris, the ice princess, is having a similarly miserable time. Elena, a hater of all things sports-related, inches out into the skating world butt-first and collides with Ben. After sharing their hilarious and horrifying dates-gone-wrong stories, the two disappear and make everything right again on the floor in the players’ dressing room. Almost everything. They forget to exchange numbers. Now these two cheapskates need to make the ultimate sacrifice: pay for a membership to the online dating site so they can track each other down. But is the possibility of love really worth the price of $24.95 per month?

And heeeeere's my six sentences!

          At present, Mr. Smooth was currently skating circles around every man, woman, and hormonal teenager in the public rink like he was frigging Dick Button. Well, he wasn’t getting his dick unbuttoned tonight. She was ready to pull a Tonya Harding on the jerk.
          “Hey, Elena,” the big dope called to her on his twelfth trip around the oval, “let go of the boards and come skate with me!” He didn’t even wait for a response, the bastard. He could have at least paused long enough for her to tug off her skate and whip it at his giant head. 

Needless to say, the 'big dope' isn't Ben 'kiss-me' Kessel. :D Thanks for stopping by! Hope you have a wonderful day! 

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Online Dating 101 - Lesson Two

Helloooooo! Welcome to our second lesson! Today we have special guest, Jessica, sharing the Five Least Sexy Things to Say in an Email. Be prepared to laugh, folks! Aaaaand take it away, Jessica!

Hi, everyone! Evelyn is so awesome for starting this series, isn’t she? It’s nice to know someone else has had some interesting experiences with online dating. And I’m grateful for the opportunity to be a guest on the blog!

So, once you’ve dipped your toes into the metaphorical pool (or is it an ocean?) of online dating, one of the most intimidating parts of the experience is initiating communication. Depending on your website of choice, this can mean sending a “wink” to show you’re interested, sending your match a few questions to answer, or if you’re feeling particularly confident, bypassing all of the stages and sending an email.

There are definitely pros and cons about sending emails through an online dating website. However, the biggest ‘pro’ of them all can also be a ‘con’: you catch a glimpse of your match’s true personality right away.

Since it’s nearly impossible to tell what specifics may get your match’s heart to pitter-patter, it’s probably easier to share some big no-nos in the emailing process. I’ve had lots of emails in the just over six months I’ve been dating online, but I’ve found some trends in communication that will make me hit my ‘delete’ button faster than ever. So, ladies and gentlemen, I give you The Five Least Sexy Things to Say in an Email.

5. ”What kind of computer sings? A Dell! LOL!”: Now, there’s little that makes me fall harder than a cute guy with a great sense of humor. And I’m not opposed to the cheesy lines, either. But in an email, the quirky charm of a random, goofy joke is lost. I’d much rather you crack a joke about something in my profile than pull out the road-crossing chickens.

4. “Hey your [sic] beautiful let’s meet up tomorrow at the coffee shop at 2pm.”: I’m flattered! But first, grammar is sexy. Second, I barely know you! What’s your name? And hey, points for being assertive. But, do I get a say in all of this? Also, I have plans tomorrow. And if I didn’t before, I do now.

3. “I was on Millionaire Matchmaker!”: This one’s 100% real, internet. This guy was on a reality show that airs in the US that aims to set millionaires up with their potential life partners. If Patti Stanger can’t set you up, you may be a hopeless case. Also, I remember that episode well. You were quite the pig, so bragging about the episode probably won’t do you any good.

2. “Hi, my name is Jake. I just moved to the area and I’m looking for ways to meet new people. I’m new to the whole online dating thing. It’s weird, isn’t it? I like movies, sports, and…”:  I think everyone can agree that the copy and paste approach doesn’t work. I can get all this information from your profile! The point of an email is to communicate beyond what’s in the profile. Do we share a mutual interest in crocheting? Or are you also a fan of the same always failing baseball team? Nix the “copypasta” and let’s have a real conversation!

1. ”I know I’m too old for you, but I can be your Sugar Daddy!”: I’m a gal who values maturity and life experience, but…this won’t work. While I find the salt-and-pepper look to be distinguished and handsome, I am a woman in my twenties, seeking a man in his twenties to live forever in mutual (endearing) weirdness. Hey, if the sugar daddy situation is sexy to you, then great. It’s probably not wise to jump right in and assume it’s sexy for everybody.

When deciding to e-mail someone, the best advice I have is to pay attention to your match’s profile! That may sound obvious, but you’d be amazed at how many matches forget that an email is a first impression, even if you’ve taken the other steps of communication first. It’s safe to say that when we feel like our needs are being ignored, we shut down. So, take those extra few minutes to compose a great email. That is really sexy.

Amen, sistah friend! Fantabulous post, Jessica! So what do the rest of you think? What takes an email from lame-o party of one territory to sexy-mc'sex-land? Thanks for reading! Stay tuned for next week's lesson about the trouble with text-speak! :)